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13
Aug
This week has been a roller-coaster of emotions for me. I’ve done copious amounts of reflection on multiple aspects of my life. One thing that has came up in this for me this week is “help”. Accepting help when I’m in need of it and when it’s offered.
I can’t do it. I never ask for help. I’m serious. Aside from asking my husband to help with things I will not ask for help from anyone, for anything. Financial, emotional, help with Milo. Nothing. And you better believe that IF I do ask for help it’s because I really, truly, need it and am choking down my pride enough to spit out the words “can you please….”
I don’t know why I’m like this? I’d rather rip off my pinky than ask to borrow money from someone. I have offers all of the time for people to babysit Milo while I enjoy some alone time, I RARELY take it. Seriously. I just feel like he’s mine, I made him because I wanted him and I shouldn’t leave him, & most of the time I really enjoy my time spent with him. So not healthy. I’m working on it though.
I’m super broke this week. Some unexpected bills needed to be paid and they were, which left us broke. I’m not one of those people that says I’m broke when I have $500.00 in the bank account. When I’m broke it’s like zero dollars in the bank account until pay day. My Mom offered to come take Milo and I to lunch today, her treat. Not because I was broke, just because she wanted to spend time with us. I told her no. What the eff is wrong with me? People’s parents take them to lunch all the time, peoples parents do a lot for them, financially and otherwise. I know she wasn’t taking me to lunch just cause I couldn’t afford it but, that’s all I could think in my head. I refused to let her treat us to lunch because I’m a freak…I need to let go a bit.
I really need to let go. I always feel as though if I ask for help (in any way) that I’m being viewed as not having things together and in control, that I’ve somehow failed. Have I mentioned I’m a control freak, like it’s sickening how much my life needs to be in control. My husband made a huge observation this week and I was just in such a fog I couldn’t see it. He said to me in so many words;
You’re having such a rough week, Kristi because you have such a need to be in control all of the time. You have to be in control of everything, and always have everything planned the way you intend. This week stuff has came up that is beyond your control and you can’t handle that, and that’s why you are freaking out.
It was like DUH! You are totally right and also… Wow. That’s sad. I need to learn how to let go, and realize that sometimes shit is beyond my control. And that it’s going to be OK. So, I’m trying. I’m really going to work on it, otherwise, I’m headed for an early grave due to stress!
I have no idea why I’m opening up so much on here. Maybe I’m just getting back to my roots a bit. Way back when, when I had 3 readers I was amazingly open and candid about me and my life on the bloggy blog. Now that I have 10 readers I hold back more… So this is me. For those that really, truly want to get to know me, that is a major aspect of me and also a major personal flaw. Now ya know! But, I doubt anyone really read this because people A.) don’t like posts like this & B. ) it’s a longer post, people don’t like reading that much!
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20 Responses to “Mirror, Mirror”
krisit – i'm the SAME WAY about people offering to help with poppy. i seriously never take anyone up on it and it's been a struggle for me to occasionally have to ask for help recently with her as my etsy shop is keeping me busy to the extent i can't always get everything done during her sleeping hours. let's both work in it together, ok? because especially at this age, it really is good for them to be watched by other people from time to time, and get better socialized!
in seeing your tweets from the last week, i could sense that you were really stressed. i'm sorry things got so rough with you and TRUST ME i know how that can be. david and i have been through a lot of shit in the last new years (not with out relationship, but rather with outside events that can't be helped, like what mercer was referring to.) anyway, i think that reflecting can be really good for the soul and i hope you arrived on some key factors that will be helpful for you in your everyday life & happiness.
love you very much, lady!
cheers!
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Thanks, Em. I'm really going to try. I know it's good for him to go out with others. He LOVES company, and hello, it's FAMILY. Who better to leave him with? They are the next best thing.
I read it my dear daughter, i feel your pain and understand so much of what you are saying….you see i was where you are oh not so long ago, but its ok, becuase life is a aconstant lerning experience for us all…….ya live & learn, hopefully! its ok to feel the way you do, you want things to be under control, we all do, and when its so out of control we feel such a failure….socoiety has done this to us…..NOT SO!! you are human, you hurt you cry you feel sad you feel disappointed and its alll OK! I am alwasy here for you…….even if you just want to talk and want me to sit and shut my mouth! (lol) that will be the day huh? Havea good weeekend, next wek will be better. love you
omg! i was cracking up laughing when you said 3 readers to 10! LOL whatever kristi! i'm glad you share your flaw that is very hard to admit. and for god's sake would ya please take any help you can get?! and come out more! you are much missed!!
OK, counting you I have 11 readers! =p
Sending you big HUGS! I can only somewhat understand. I was very similar when i had my first babe & only changed because i was faced with a LOT of uncontrollable circumstances that left me no other choice but to ask for help.
I am sorry. i wish i could help. i hope you are able to take time to reflect and even admitting that something isnt 'right' will help.
Sending you a million more hugs ♥
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You're so sweet. thank you.
I read it. I understand it. It's hard to accept help. I had a friend tell me this week to call her if I need help this fall (hubby is a HS football coach, leaving me alone at night with an active baby, while simultaneously feeling like shit). And I had to be like "um, no. I won't ask for help. If you want to come over and see us… just please come. But I won't ask."
I hope that things start looking up for you. Hugs, darlin'. Just know you're not alone.
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Hey change is hard and admitting you have a control freak is harder. I am kinda like that but my hubbs and I have had several talks about me letting go of somethings. He tries to bring it to my attention nicely when i am being crazy controlling of things. I recently started letting my mom help with the babe. I go on date nights once or twice a month. Usually they start after the babe is in bed but the fact is we are getting out for alone time and really who better to leave your kid with than family. I could go on and on about all the things I stress about and try to control but that just gets my blood pressure up
I read it, I care….and I TRY to tweet back to u on twitter and I think I am a twitter idiot bc I never hear back
or else u think Im some weirdo stalker. LOL. Take help, family is awesome…take some you time. I dont know what my hubb and I would do without our fam sometimes, they are the BEST to us!!!
there must be something wrong? I don't know. I always do my best to respond to all the tweets i get?
i'm very similar to you in these ways. especially on the babysitting front. i made her, i wanted her, i raise her. thats the way it goes. i'm slowly getting better. slowly. if im at my parents house i let my family take care of her a bit and i relax on the couch. control is such a bitch. i always want it.
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Control is SUCH a bitch.
i hate asking for help…and hello…then reason we had ella was to be with her…not to send her off to grandma's for the night.
(my mother bought a crib thinking this would be the case…um…no….16 months later she hasn't…and i don't believe she will be anytime soon.)
but we NEED it. i am trying myself. ella goes to my mom's once ever couple weeks…eventually i hope to actually use 4 hours for something other than housework. ::sigh::
and lastly…use your place on the iterwebs to write what you like! i widh i could…a while back my mother announced my blog over facebook to ALL of her friends…so now i have readers…that i um…might not want to share certain things with. (believe me i thanked her for ruining my blog for me…because i wish i had a space to vent.)
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My Mom wants to watch him once a week for a few hours. It sounds amazing to me. But, for some reason when it comes time…I can rarely do it. My family cares about him *almost* as much as me, they wouldn't let anything happen to him, but, still I can't do it.
you can do it. the first few times was strange…i will not lie. but ella LOVES going to my mom's. like really LOVES it. just try it…oh and the hugs and squeals when you return are INCREDIBLE! (just saying)
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i am the same way as you are….. i never want anyone to watch Ryan and i never ask for handouts or take help from anyone. this is my child, and he is 100% my responsibility. it causes me stress sometimes, i just feel like i need a break even if its for 2 hours, but i wont ask for help and if someone were to offer i would say no. when i was working my mom would watch ryan and all day i would be wondering what he is doing, how is he feeling, does he miss me. im so glad im not working now, so i can be with him every min. they are only this perfect and small for so long, spend every second you can with him, soon he will be too cool for you and at least you will be able to look back and think of the fun times you had when he was a nugget.
dont stress about stuff so much! your a great mommy!! and i can see how much you & mercer love milo. you cant control everything that happens, so take each day as it comes. and if you ever need anything, im here for you. i will drive the 2 hours to help you. just let me know
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Laura, you are way too sweet.
I'm definitely with you on the money stuff. We didn't have insurance when I was pregnant with Ramona but we didn't tell anyone (especially our families) because we didn't want them to worry about us. We came up with all the money ourselves and I'm really proud of us for doing it. However, despite that, I would totally let my mom buy me lunch. That's just how my family rolls. My grandma still buys my mom lunch when they go out!
As for having someone else watch my kid, I'm not big on the idea of anyone watching her except family. There are too many weirdos out there and so many people you think you know but you don't really. I mean, whenever you hear a story about a serial killer or a child molester, the neighbors are always like, "He seemed so nice." Maybe I sound paranoid, but I figure if I wouldn't trust that person with my life, I'm not trusting them with my kid. Especially when she's too little to tell me if anything weird happens.
That being said, if my mom or Joe's mom wanted to watch her I'd be all for it! Everyone needs a break now and then, and to me, if they're offering it's because they really want to spend time with her. I'd never just dump her off on them unless they offered, but if they did I'd be thrilled. And just my luck, Joe's parents are coming out here this weekend to visit and his mom has already offered to babysit. But I figure it's their grandchild, they want to spend time with her. I wouldn't want to stand in the way of their time to bond anymore than I would want to make her their burden by having them watch her all the time.
All in all, I don't think there's anything wrong with taking some help when someone offers as long as you don't become that person that always needs help. People want to help you because they love you, not because they think you're a failure. Remember, you're probably harder on yourself than anyone else will ever be. (I think most of us are and it's just human nature, and it seems especially true with females.)
Wow, I really needed to read this tonight. I was totally down about not knowing how the future was going to turn out (I just started staying home and hubs owns his own business) and because I'm such a control freak I was totally dwelling on it and letting ruin my entire day. Your husband was totally right, we just have to let it go and realize that things happen. Thanks for the pick up!!
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